We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
