I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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