I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would fuck him just for his dog
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
