also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Damn victory sex feels great
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
