on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
