Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
