you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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