then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Randomize
