I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
