Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We are all done wearing pants today
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
