I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
