Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
