That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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