im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
