omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
