she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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