Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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