Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
