so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
