I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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