Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
