I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
