We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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