My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
