Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
