Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
