She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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