and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
