I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
