if you like me you must not know who I am
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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