he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
