Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
