Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
