Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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