Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
