I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
