some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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