I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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