I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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