I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
