So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
