how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
