I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
