im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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