3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
