Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
