Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
