how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
