Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
time to smoke my breakfast
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
