when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
