No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize