he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
