Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
