i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
