I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
