is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
