They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
