i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
